As we enter the holiday season, it might be a good time to set our sights a bit higher for next year and expand our circle of good friends.
What is a good friend? From an SRT viewpoint, it is someone who shares life energy with you and you share life energy with them. You both are enhanced by your continuing association.
Where do you find such a treasure? First of all, you must intend to find such a person and you are open to meeting them and creating a friendship with them. Once again, you will find that intention is cause. It helps if both of you are seeking a friendship, but it is vital that one of you desire to meet a friend and the other person is open to meeting you and has the potential to become your friend.
We can just go on bumbling through life and hope that good fortune will occur, or we can deliberately set out to change our lives for the better. Here is a time-tested process which has produced results in the past.
Decide what activity we wish to share and how many friends we wish to share it with. You can see immediately that your choice of shared activities influences the scope of your new relationship. You can decide you need friends for horseback riding, or skiing, or meditation or all of them and this will actually determine which people you pull in.
Get an idea of the personality of the
person who you wish to share the activity with and make a list of the
personality traits that make the most sense to you. Make sure you
include all the personality traits that are important to you. Believe
it or not, these traits are far more important than the physical
characteristics that might come to mind.
Their physical characteristics will not determine how the person acts toward you, only your reaction to them and this sets you up for them to use their physical characteristics to manipulate you which is not a basis for a friendship.
Here are some characteristics you might want to consider looking for in a potential friend. Their relative importances are your choice, but will actually define the relationship and its duration. The importances will also depend on the activities you wish to share with your new friend.
Emotional tone level as in cheerfulness or whining or grief, level of sanity, integrity, creativity, compassion, truthfulness, empathy, courage, sense of humor, willingness to consider new ideas, willingness to help others, affection for animals, ability to nurture plants and other living things, experiences similar to yours, similar cultural background to yours, voice and manner of speaking, physical condition similar to yours, personal habits, health, mental activity level, physical activity level, dexterity, willingness to accept or create change, cleanliness, body odor, neatness, sense of order, loyalty, creativity, physical appearance, sexual preferences, criminal history, political party affiliation, and drug use.
You will find that when you have defined an activity and the characteristics of the friend you wish to meet, that you will meet or be introduced to people who match the definition you hold in your mind. If you have only considered a few of the characteristics I have listed, the people who appear will have those characteristics, but not others which may be more important. Look at all of these characteristics and add any others you feel are important before you start searching.
Some of you may feel this is an unnecessarily mechanical process, but years of experience have shown me that making the choices up front and discussing them early is far less painful than discovering that your new friend or lover has characteristics which are unacceptable and cause an immediate break in the relationship.
Having a full set of characteristics defined makes initial conversations much easier as you can easily search for those characteristics which you have in common and quickly spot those which will be problematic for the activities which you intend to share. Remember, not all friends need to have the same characteristics. If you have a pet tarantula and your potential friend hates spiders, you can go bowling with this friend, but don’t bring them home.
Join me this Saturday, 12-28-19, on Zoom at 12 noon EDT for a free workshop on making new friends.
Use this link: https://zoom.us/j/4710611444