Here is a definition to work with:
Rift: an opening made by splitting, cleaving, etc.; fissure; cleft; chink.
A difference in opinion, belief, or interest that causes such a break in friendly relations
Origin of rift: 1250–1300; Middle English < Old Norse ript breaking of an agreement
In this webinar, I am going to show you the tools to handle a rift between you and some person or group so that the possibility of resuming friendly relations exists.
When you allow a rift to continue, you are harming yourself and diminishing your life force, because the energy you would have put into creative endeavors is directed toward harming someone else or defending yourself from someone else.
The important factor to understand is that the rift is not between right and wrong, no matter how passionately you feel about your position on the matter. The rift is a sundering or breaking of an agreement between people or groups that originally agreed to act in harmony.
Perhaps the way to begin is to prevent
a rift from occurring. When you first encounter some other person or
group, how do you determine what rules they follow and what are their
intentions towards you and your possessions? Do you have rules you
follow for interaction with others in your community? Do you impose
these rules on newcomers to the community? If you have rules and
customs you follow and make these known to newcomers as they show up,
you are setting their expectations for future interactions.
If these newcomers show no respect for your rules and customs, it is up to you to determine whether you will enforce the rules or quietly grumble and cave in to their demands.
In a relationship, one of the partners will often suffer in silence even though things are happening which they do not approve of. Their hope is often that they will be able to reform or “improve” the other persons attitudes and actions if they just keep quiet and hope for the best.
Often the real problem is that no one has really established the rules for a community or enforces the rules so that order is maintained. Anyone joining this community is then putting themselves and their families at risk. Finding out what rules exist and which ones are enforced can produce a safe environment with predictable results for specific actions. Whether you join a community or a Home Owners Association, it is desirable to understand the rules for living there. Understanding the remedies for handling violations of the rules makes it much easier to institute corrections when needed.
When there are published rules for
proper behavior and they are followed, handling upsets from rule
breakers is a fairly straightforward matter.
When the rules are hidden and dependent on who you know, you are likely to be on the outs with rule breakers and those who protect them. If they outnumber you, your best bet is to retreat to a safe place
and start over. If you wish to succeed where you did not before, make sure you understand the rules for the area you are moving in to.
If you wish to continue your battle with the people from where you lived before, you will only antagonize the new people you meet and you will not address the real problem which was not knowing the rules of the place you lived.
If you wish to stay in your original location, you need to see how you got off on the wrong foot and decide to make up the damage you have done to your relationships. If you cannot do that, you do need to find a new place and new relationships that meet your needs.
Finally, you may have moved to a new area and made new relationships, but still feel upset about the former relationships. This is your opportunity to find what you did or failed to do that severed the relationship and caused the persistent rift. When you discover what you did and take full responsibility for it, you will find you can communicate your discovery to the other person or group and the upset on both side should disappear. If your upset is completely gone and the other side is still angry, they are doing something that prevents them from letting go of the issue. Take your attention off them and create a new life for yourself.
Join me on Sunday, 10-6-19, at 12 noon for a webinar on Terminately Handling A Rift Between You And Some Other Person Or Group. We will meet on Zoom using this link: https://zoom.us/j/4710611444
There is a $10 donation for the webinar, and if you have not already paid, please use this link: paypal.me/DavidStLawrence/10