Category Archives: Becoming More Yourself


I have been working my way toward a more basic set of SRT books for some time. The underlying idea is to come up with a book or books that would resonate with any reader who wondered about the spiritual aspects of his or her existence. To create these books, I wish to recruit a team to review these books as they are being written and would like the reviewers to add examples from their own lives if they wish.

The first book must contain material that would be real or could be made real to almost anyone who wondered about their role in life. Ideally, it should introduce tools that would let a reader discover hidden abilities that they didn’t know they possessed and create an awareness of their history as immortal spiritual beings. It should conclude by introducing opportunities to investigate what happens when we increase our awareness and lead the reader to continue exploring how the spiritual realm actually works.

The second book will introduce the true power of learning to control ones attention and using that attention to reach and withdraw from the challenges of life on Earth. The reader will learn to reach and withdraw from all sorts of areas that present challenges to their peace of mind. Every topic presented will be approached using a reach and withdraw process that allows the reader to improve their ability to absorb new concepts and apply these concepts to gain greater control of their lives. By the end of this second book, the reader should begin to have a grasp of the relationship of the spiritual realm to the material world that science recognizes.

The third book will bring the reader’s awareness up to the level where the reader can begin to appreciate their actual spiritual makeup as a composite being, by explaining how the source of mankind’s creativity can also be the source of so many personal difficulties. This book will introduce possession and spiritual companions who make up our personalities. It will use reach and withdraw processing to bring about an understanding of how harnessing the power of our spiritual associates will achieve results beyond our wildest expectations.

When a reader has read and digested these three books, they will be ready to read the Spiritual Rescue Technology series and put that information to use.

This is a rough idea of the books and their titles. A full breakdown of the contents can be found on the Telegram site where the actual work is being done.

Book One – CHANGING THE GAME – Overcoming the Limitations of Your Birth

Book Two – PLAYING A NEW GAME ENTIRELY – Beyond The Merely Human Existence

Book Three – EXPANDING THE GAME OF LIFE – Exploring The Spiritual Realm On Your Own

We are setting up an area on Telegram to communicate about these books and handle revisions. This will be open to the review team only. If you are interested in joining this effort, join me on Telegram using this link:

Being Human

Those of you who enjoy learning about other spiritual workers may enjoy this video by Daniel Matallana. This video is called Being Human and aligns with what we know to be true.

Capturing Realizations From Pre-Dawn Discussion With Selves

My closest spiritual companions have a habit of discussing important matters in the early morning hours and their discussions will eventually reach a volume that will pull me out of my dream activity (REM Sleep). When this happens, I will lie still and will be barraged with ideas being tossed back and forth between different spiritual companions.

Once I join the conversation, they tend to reach agreement and I am presented with a number of new ideas that I need to write down, or I will not remember them in sufficient detail to recover later.

This morning the conversation was centered on our origins as spirits and our apparent loss of ability as we experienced lives as beings with bodies. The discussion had been going on for some time before I realized that these beings were referring to the time when we were “all one”. There are countless legends of a time when we were all in Heaven together, or all in a state of glory together. Scientology refers to this as a “separation from the main body of Theta”.

What came up this morning was a concept I had never considered before and that was when we were all one, we acted as a unit and could create universes with galaxies and stars and planets, all the way down to chipmunks and spiders. We may have been more powerful at that time, but the real difference, according to the discussion, was that we acted as one humongous being with infinite powers. While that state existed, intention was truly cause and the merest thought became reality in that instant.

According to the information I received, creation is an open-ended activity and some beings wanted to alter the creative process and add in a bit of harmony to the creative actions of the group. Eventually, the urge to harmonize evolved into counterpoint themes added into the groups creation.

The eventual results were similar to what would happen if some members of a symphony orchestra started free-form variations on a main theme and then branched out to completely separate counterpoint melodies. Not all beings are happy to play in unison and those that diverged kept on marching to their own rhythms until we have the physical universe cacophony we have now.

The net result is that many of the creative intentions at work in the universe today are at cross purposes, with most of the work being lost to friction and lack of harmony. Almost everyone involved feels betrayed and this is due to a lack of agreement and no communication technology able to bridge the gap. Until now.

This is where you, my readers and students come in.

Spiritual Rescue Technology is an effort to understand and restore the original strengths of beings acting in unison, but the genie cannot be put back in the bottle. The supposed unity of effort and action was abandoned when the first alternate themes of creation were developed. These alternate themes are as valid as the original themes, but there has been no successful attempt to bring all of these themes into alignment. The creation of alternate themes created a rift in understandings which persist today. We have very few beings acting in harmony with other beings. Most beings with bodies think they are alone and fight any efforts by others to control them.

What we can do with SRT is to understand where we have come from and decide, in a new unit of time, where we want to go. As awakened beings, we have the choice to act individually, or to act in concert with our spiritual companions to achieve any goal we care to set. Once we understand that our original creative efforts were the result of beings acting in unison, or very tight harmony, we have the choice of how many beings we want to team up with.

We can test this idea in SRT by observing what happens when a being running a body harnesses more and more of his spiritual companions into a well-drilled team. As the team gains cohesion of purpose, intention becomes cause with no elapsed time and no visible effort. The elapsed time between idea and result becomes shorter and shorter. The team develops a sense of its own identity as a beingness which gets things done.

There is more to this story and team building is already underway by some of us. Once we get a handle on creating a team of spirits to own the body and plan future activities, we have the challenge of organizing the spirits who animate the body and operate all of its subsystems.

These two teams need to act in concert to manage the effects of the independent groups of living things that inhabit the body. These living things are alive and can be communicated with, and they present a continuing challenge, if not carefully handled. They do not seem to be suitable for inclusion in the spiritual home team as they are almost completely independent life forces. These include: viruses, bacteria, microbes, parasites, insects, fungus, and cancer cells.

The challenge for those of you who wish to take it up, is to recruit helpful beings and see if they can assist you to get the results you need in life. I am already well underway on this project and I would be happy to exchange helpful tips if needed.

I would like to incorporate this study in the SRT Academy agenda, but I fear that is is a major evolution which may have to be left for advanced Academy students.

SRT is a technology for rescuing us from our dwindling spiral of existences. This may be one of the first steps.

Once we learn how to work with our home team and produce “miracles”, we can start linking up with other teams and create effects on a larger scale.

Do You Habitually Over-Commit On Delivery Dates And Performance Levels?

You may pride yourself on setting tight schedules and high performance levels, but have you looked at what it has done to your life? Targets that are unrealistically high with unreal schedules wreak havoc on the people who are expected to deliver the products or services,

You may not think of yourself as being unrealistic, but how do you feel about your work schedule? Are you constantly working to keep up or are you doing great work and still having time for a family or personal life?

If you are always under the gun as far as work schedules, it is possible that you are doing something wrong. If a project is carefully planned, the outcome should be a working system or product delivered in a timely manner.

When the schedule is arbitrarily decided on a management whim rather than on solid experience, the product quality generally suffers. As the scheduled end date nears, features are dropped from the product so that the delivery date will be met. When management provides bonuses for meeting delivery dates, product quality inevitably suffers. Key features are left untested or omitted and the project is turned over to Customer Service personnel for delivery and patching in the field. When that happens, you get a delivery that isn’t a delivery because it is a protracted repair and patch job in the field.

With Spiritual Rescue Technology it is quite easy to predict this kind of behavior and to remedy it so that it does not continue to occur. No one in their right mind would commit to a schedule or a specification that they could not meet, but in the presence of overwhelming demands, it becomes easy to lose sight of the penalties for misrepresenting your ability to deliver.

Adding to the sense of urgency are worries that someone else will get the order if you don’t step up to the challenge and close the deal. I am quite familiar with this kind of pressure as I spent many years working 60-70 hour weeks so I would be first in line for the next big project. I had no idea what was driving me at the time, but my family life suffered because of my work schedules.

With SRT it is fairly easy to locate the source of the tendency to overcommit. It is almost always spiritual in nature and comes from earlier failures to deliver on your part or on the part of others. You will experience it as a counter-intention to telling the customer what the project will take in terms of time and resources. There will be fears of loss of prestige or income if you tell the customer what the job will take. These fears undermine your resolution to be truthful and you end up compromising your integrity. Now you have promised something that you do not actually believe you can deliver and your torment begins. You take it out on yourself by working extra hours and making excuses when you consistently fail to meet the customer’s expectations which you set.

With SRT, you locate and remove the impulses to stretch the truth and you operate from a position of certainty. Once you have established your certainty, you can work with the customer to give them certainty and a realistic appraisal of the risks involved. You also give yourself the ability to move the goalposts for the project as it becomes evident that vital steps are taking longer than expected.

When you are working from realistic estimates, you are able to see when partial deliveries are possible so that you can have additional time to complete the final requirements. Your schedules are predictable and when changes are required, they can be anticipated well in advance.

The secret is to locate all of the sources of upset and counter-intention before making commitments to a customer, then you will be able to negotiate from strength. If your proposal does not meet the customer’s needs you will be able to discuss changes intelligently and propose alternative solutions. If your solutions are not acceptable to the customer, you will be able to end off knowing that you have provided the best solution that would work for your benefit.

If you have handled all of the counter-intention on your side, you will have made the best offer you could make. If the prospective customer is looking for more then you can provide, you are better off without that business.

When you know what you can provide and how long it takes to do things, there is no good reason to commit to doing more unless there is a suitable financial reward. There are businesses that routinely do rush jobs, but they are structured for this activity and charge accordingly. There is a personal cost for this type of activity, and I am not prepared to discuss it here, other than to say that this kind of rush business is hard on the individuals involved.

Those of you who pride yourselves on your special abilities should take a good look at work situations where stress is the normal mode of operation. Stress is never a good addition to the work scene. It usually means that there is a lack of fairness involved and important data is being hidden.

Using Your Special Abilities To Be A Better Teacher, Manager, And Friend

There is nothing worse than working with someone on an important matter and missing the fact that you have missed the mark in getting your point across, or even more upsetting, have somehow alienated the person you are working with.

If you have trained yourself to monitor the emotional tone levels of those you are talking to, this will not be a continuing concern. Any unexpected change in emotional tone will prompt you to check with the person and adjust what you are saying or doing to resume the desired level of affinity with the person.

By special abilities, I mean those abilities that go beyond the usual five human senses of touch, sight, hearing, smell, and taste. Your ability to perceive emotions, intentions, attention, and other non-physical activities like affinity, can be trained to give you immediate feedback on what is happening in the other person’s universe.

To teach, or manage, or assist someone in a meaningful way, you need to communicate with them effectively. This communication is affected by your affinity with the person and the reality of what you are communicating. Unless there are acceptable affinity and reality, there will be no real communication. As far as the recipient is concerned, there will only be meaningless noise.

The special abilities that lie beyond the five human senses are present, to some degree, in almost everyone. It could be stated with some reality that these are spiritual abilities, and it seems that not all of them have been mapped and reduced to practice. We do know, however, that with a little practice, an interested person can develop his latent special abilities to such an extent that his ability to help others increases markedly.

A recognizable increase in ability is possible even without a real understanding of the underlying principles behind spiritual activity. All that is required is the willingness to drill handling of changes in affinity to get a satisfactory result when attempting to help others.

There is a great deal more that can be done once the basic principles are understood, but the most important step is to understand the necessity for using your special abilities. Once you start working to develop your ability to perceive affinity, you will become aware of many other special abilities that can be developed.

We will be discussing your special abilities this weekend in a free Saturday workshop and in the paid webinar on Sunday. If this is a topic you would like to explore, join me for a free workshop on Using Your Special Abilities on Saturday 2-29-2020 at 12 noon EDT on Zoom using this link:

Join me for a paid webinar on Developing and Using Your Special Abilities on Sunday 3-1-2020 at 12 noon EDT using this link:

There is a $10 donation for the webinar, and if you have not already paid, please use this link:

Creating A Better Life For Yourself

There is a concept called an “Ideal Scene” which is basically a description of a desired reality you wish to create or achieve. It can be considered a blueprint for what you wish to achieve in your life, but it is actually far more than that.

It is a tool for organizing your intentions and aligning them to create the future you want, but it is also a powerful diagnostic device that can reveal the reasons you have not succeeded in the past.

There are many different techniques for envisioning an ideal scene and you can find them by entering the term “ideal scene” in almost any search engine because the Internet is full of successful ways to create an ideal scene. Finding these techniques is far easier then using them successfully, and this is where the diagnostic factor comes in.

Let me illustrate with an all too typical example:

You look up a description on how to create an ideal scene and it not only seems reasonable, you can easily see how you can use it to make changes in your life. In most cases, you will print out the description and read it over and set it aside until after supper or until you have time to work on it.

When a week has gone by with no progress on creating an ideal scene, you force yourself to read the description again and start writing. When you fail to make progress, you may pull in a coach to help you with this important task. After he gives you a pep talk, you start again and stall after an hour or two of serious effort. You will find that you have difficulty concentrating, and keep getting up to handle emergencies and phone calls and all manner of distractions.

After another week, you have a half page of notes and none of them inspire you to take action. Without realizing it, you have triggered the most common reason for being stuck in a no-win situation on life. You know you are in trouble and you are trying to do something about it, but there are unseen barriers to your breaking through and creating a better life for yourself.

We have learned to deal with these unseen barriers by using Spiritual Rescue Technology as the barriers are non-physical phenomena and we teach our students to observe this phenomena.

If one cannot perceive non-physical events, that person is barred from inspecting them. There is an element of willingness involved in perceiving non-physical events and phenomena, because if you are not willing to experience something, you can easily block yourself from experiencing it. Even if you are willing, there is a learning curve to perceiving non-physical phenomena and understanding what you have perceived.

No equipment is required for this perception, All of the equipment currently available is merely measuring your body’s response to non-physical phenomena and does not measure the phenomena itself.

The phenomena that is preventing you from creating an ideal scene when you actually desire and need to do this, is counter-intention. The description is quite simple, but the mechanism is more complex.

You intend to accomplish something or do something, and there is a counter-intention that blocks or overpowers your intention. If you are really determined, you can persevere and increase your determination until your intention prevails over the counter-intention. You can even accomplish this without learning the source of the counter-intention.

You have succeeded in this instance, but you have not dealt with the actual source of counter-intention and it can return at any time in the future. If you wish to learn how to handle counter-intentions in your environment, I suggest you read my books on Spiritual Rescue Technology which are available on

The reason I mention the diagnostic capability of creating an ideal scene, is that this seemingly simple process flushes out all kinds of counter-intention, which when handled, will increase your ability to get things done without effort.

The trap that most people find themselves in, is that they want a better future and they struggle to achieve it without writing down an ideal scene. They find themselves in an intimate relationship without having created an ideal scene for the relationship, As a result, the relationship encounters one obstacle after another for lack of an ideal scene.

Another example is a person seeking a job without working out an ideal scene for employment. He goes in for an interview and answers all sorts of questions without asking any of his own. Too often, he finds himself in a situation that he could have avoided by having an ideal scene to compare the actual scene to.

When you work out an ideal scene, you are describing something that will improve your life and bring you good health and happiness. When you refuse to do the work needed to create an ideal scene for yourself, you are condemning yourself to an existence determined by others. These others may be well-intentioned, but their ideas are not necessarily aligned with yours.

More importantly, if you are not now enjoying an ideal scene, working out what yours should be will show you what you have to do to move toward an ideal scene and a higher level of survival.

Changing your life for the better starts with writing up and working on an ideal scene.

Get Ready For A Weekend Of Discovery

On Saturday, January 4th, 2020, we will do a more complete exploration of your existing first dynamic.

On Sunday, January 5th, 2020, we will explore ways to augment your first dynamic to accomplish things you have been able to envision before.

To get you thinking about the potential this might unleash, let me share what I know to be true about our first dynamics. None of this is conjecture, the material has come up repeatedly in session after session:

  1. You are an immortal being and can recover information from your earlier attempts of living in a body. You may have been thinking of yourself and your creations as your first dynamic, but the truth encompasses a far greater reality with immense opportunities for expansion.
  2. You have lived many different lifestyles, from the highest and most respected to the lowest and most despised lifestyles conceivable. You have learned many skills from these lifestyles, not all of which are useful this lifetime.
  3. You have created art, music, architecture, chaos, endless suffering, experiences of such beauty that still stagger the mind and others which obliterated the desire to live. Your ability to influence others is limited only by your willingness to be them and experience what you are doing to them.
  4. You are surrounded by tens of thousands of beings and clusters of beings in various states of awareness. Some are individual beings and many others are grouped in clusters of various sizes.
  5. Every one of these beings once had the potential that you once had and can be raised to higher states of awareness.
  6. Most of these other beings are operating in a crippled fashion, because they are still stuck in a long past incident which had overwhelmed them. They can all be freed from these incidents through the use of Spiritual Rescue Technology and restored to the point where they can pick up a body and live as a human being again if they choose.
  7. Your personality is the result of all of the beings who are awake at any given moment and are either contributing to or resisting your intentions.
  8. If you are in communication with the beings who surround you and are managing them so they support your actions, you can accomplish your goals with very little effort.
  9. If you are being opposed by the beings who accompany you through life, you will feel cursed and, in fact, that is what is happening. These curses can be lifted easily once spotted through the use of Spiritual Rescue Technology.
  10. You can modify your personality by adding or removing spirits from your mass of spiritual companions. You can effectively tailor your personality and your skill set to meet any need.
  11. If you can look at your spiritual companions as a source of recruits, you have an infinite resource to draw upon for any career or project you may choose.
  12. If you look at your spiritual companions as the opposition, you are facing overwhelming odds which will trigger memories of earlier times of overwhelm.
  13. You can pick up additional spiritual companions with every person your interact with. That lingering feeling you have after meeting someone new can be composed of new additions to your group of companions as well as feelings your spiritual companions have about the person you just met.
  14. You will also pick up spirits when you go to a hospital as a patient or even as a visitor. These are spirits whose bodies have died and they had not figured how to leave the hospital until you came along.
  15. Just in case you lost the thread while I was listing these discoveries, these points are ALL part of YOUR first dynamic. You are a group of beings who are operating as an Earth person and the sooner you realize that all of you are a team and act as a team, the sooner you will be able ti unlock your true potential.
  16. We have not even scratched the surface of how to weld a band of spirits into an effective and powerful team, but we do know that almost any organizing effort will improve results. If the team is capable of harmonious action, results will improve immediately.
  17. Management of spiritual companions can profitably use every humane system known to man.
  18. Acknowledging the efforts of spiritual teammates will get you working together, even if no other management technique is used.
  19. Recognizing that you are surrounded by living beings just like yourself is a good start in recognizing your common goals.
  20. The commonest reason for failure in communicating with spirits is that the person who is running the body isn’t talking to spirits, he or she is shouting at them as though these spirits were things to be commanded. There is a lack of reality on the fact that the spirits are real and are alive. Spirits treated in this manner can almost shut the person down mentally and physically.
  21. Thinking of yourself as a composite beingness may take a little practice, but if you think of yourselves as a team with a single group goal, you are well on your way to thinking and acting like the fantastic group that you can be.
  22. There are some people who wistfully yearn to be alone and constantly try to exorcise the beings who surround them. The beings who accompany you have as much right as you have to be here. Some have been with you for many, many lifetimes. They are accompanying you by choice and some were part of the group before you showed up! If you care to look around, you will notice that there is no place on this planet where there are no spirits. If you are going to play the game on this planet, learn how to recruit and motivate spirits to get things done.
  23. Your entourage of spiritual companions do not have to be named. Your recognition of their value and their contributions seems to satisfy their need for recognition.
  24. Since there is continuing instantaneous communication between most of your spiritual companions, there is no need for staff meetings as in a human organization. Once you get used to working together, you will find that there is a constant running commentary at several different levels, depending on the number of projects or tasks you are handling.
  25. The tasks we call habit patterns are generally being carried out by one or more of your spiritual companions. Those of you who spend a of of time on the road are familiar with the phenomenon of having the car seem to drive itself while you plan for what you will do when you arrive. When your vehicle comes to a situation that your spiritual companion can’t handle, he usually turns control back over to you and you have to make a decision.
  26. Many of the tasks that we do repetitively are done by our spiritual companions. Responses to greetings, idle conversations, brushing our teeth, even getting dressed are all activities that our spiritual companions do every day.
  27. All of these actions and the beings who do them are part of our first dynamic.
  28. A person can knowingly employ spiritual beings to assist in creative efforts like writing and speaking, but the vast majority of people are being assisted every day by beings who interject comments into their daily speech or cause them to do somethings or to avoid something that the beings does not want to happen.
  29. If you were to ask someone if they would like to do something they have never done before, they will often reply immediately with some self-deprecating statement like, “I couldn’t do that!” These self-deprecating statements are generated by spirits who protect you from exposure to untried things.
  30. If you think of your spiritual companions as a group of worried advisors, you will not be wrong. They are constantly trying to keep you from doing things that stir up painful memories for them. Some of these beings are actually dead relatives who are still looking after you. Like it or not, these dead relatives who are hanging around and seeking to keep you out of trouble, are all part of your first dynamic.
  31. There are also spirits who are still trying to get even with you for some long ago atrocity you did to them in a former lifetime and these spirits affect you and affect those who you deal with and do business with. Their lasting opposition to you and to your welfare influences those around you and makes these people distrust you and dislike you for reasons they cannot explain. These spirits, too, are part of your first dynamic and need to be considered whenever you wish to change your life for the better.

In short, you and all of your spiritual companions make up a complex first dynamic. Getting it sorted out will make surviving on the other dynamics much easier.

Join me Saturday, January 4th at 12 noon EDT for a free workshop on “Exploring Your First Dynamic” on Zoom using this link:

Join me Sunday, January 5th at 12 noon EDT for a paid webinar on “Augmenting Your First Dynamic” on Zoom using the same link:

There is a $10 donation for the webinar, and if you have not already paid, please use this link:

Webinar – 12-29-19 – Discovering The Importance Of Your First Dynamic

Let me start off by saying that the most important dynamic for you is the First Dynamic. Many of you have been taught otherwise, and your life has been made more difficult because of this false data. It has led to your domination by others and your unwillingness to stand up for what is right for you.

When you do not recognize the importance of your first dynamic, you are only valuable as a group member. You tend to identify yourself as a group member and not as who you are. If someone asks you who you are, you reply “I’m Mary’s husband”, or “I’m Bill’s girlfriend”, or “I’m the President of the Exlax Company.”

Like it or not, you are acting as if you have no intrinsic value and are only valuable as a group member.

The first dynamic is the urge toward existence as one’s self. It is the effort to survive as an individual, to be an individual, to attain the highest level of survival for the longest possible time for self. This dynamic includes the individual plus his immediate possessions. It does not include other people. Here we have individuality expressed fully.

There are at least 8 dynamics and the first four are considered to be

  1. Self,
  2. The second dynamic—is the urge toward existence as a sexual activity. This dynamic actually has two divisions. Second Dynamic (a) is the sexual act itself. And the Second Dynamic (b) is the family unit, including the rearing of children. This can be called the Sex Dynamic.
  3. The Third Dynamic is the urge toward existence in groups of individuals,
  4. The Fourth Dynamic is the urge toward existence as a particular race.

Contrary to what you may have been taught, the most important of all of these dynamics is the first dynamic. If your participation in the other dynamics does not enhance your first dynamic, you are committing spiritual suicide. Joining a relationship or an organization that does not benefit your first dynamic is self-destructive. The other dynamics may offer benefits like sex or money or fame, and they do that to get you to join them, but your life will be a living hell if you diminish your survival on the first dynamic.

You will make all sorts of excuses to remain attached to the destructive dynamic, but you will get sicker and more unhappy as time goes on. Only when you recover your senses and take steps to repair the damage to your first dynamic will you begin to recover and actually flourish and prosper.

Putting your first dynamic first may sound selfish and anti-social to you, but if you respect your first dynamic and understand what it means to your survival, you will not engage in relationships that do not flow life energy to you in the first place. At the first sign that your first dynamic is being compromised, you will break off your descent into madness.

If you understand the importance of other people’s first dynamic, you will not create relationships which overpower other’s first dynamic needs. Eventually those people will recover their drive to survive and will rebel and bring you down. Slavery of any kind in not only repellent, it will always result in a reckoning where scores are settled and the slaves turn on those who have held them down.

Join me on Sunday, 12-29-19 at 12 noon EDT on Zoom using this link:

There is a $10 donation for the webinar, and if you have not already paid, please use this link:

Are You Ready To Make New Friends?

As we enter the holiday season, it might be a good time to set our sights a bit higher for next year and expand our circle of good friends.

What is a good friend? From an SRT viewpoint, it is someone who shares life energy with you and you share life energy with them. You both are enhanced by your continuing association.

Where do you find such a treasure? First of all, you must intend to find such a person and you are open to meeting them and creating a friendship with them. Once again, you will find that intention is cause. It helps if both of you are seeking a friendship, but it is vital that one of you desire to meet a friend and the other person is open to meeting you and has the potential to become your friend.

We can just go on bumbling through life and hope that good fortune will occur, or we can deliberately set out to change our lives for the better. Here is a time-tested process which has produced results in the past.

Decide what activity we wish to share and how many friends we wish to share it with. You can see immediately that your choice of shared activities influences the scope of your new relationship. You can decide you need friends for horseback riding, or skiing, or meditation or all of them and this will actually determine which people you pull in.

Get an idea of the personality of the person who you wish to share the activity with and make a list of the personality traits that make the most sense to you. Make sure you include all the personality traits that are important to you. Believe it or not, these traits are far more important than the physical characteristics that might come to mind.

Their physical characteristics will not determine how the person acts toward you, only your reaction to them and this sets you up for them to use their physical characteristics to manipulate you which is not a basis for a friendship.

Here are some characteristics you might want to consider looking for in a potential friend. Their relative importances are your choice, but will actually define the relationship and its duration. The importances will also depend on the activities you wish to share with your new friend.

Desired Characteristics:
Emotional tone level as in cheerfulness or whining or grief, level of sanity, integrity, creativity, compassion, truthfulness, empathy, courage, sense of humor, willingness to consider new ideas, willingness to help others, affection for animals, ability to nurture plants and other living things, experiences similar to yours, similar cultural background to yours, voice and manner of speaking, physical condition similar to yours, personal habits, health, mental activity level, physical activity level, dexterity, willingness to accept or create change, cleanliness, body odor, neatness, sense of order, loyalty, creativity, physical appearance, sexual preferences, criminal history, political party affiliation, and drug use.

You will find that when you have defined an activity and the characteristics of the friend you wish to meet, that you will meet or be introduced to people who match the definition you hold in your mind. If you have only considered a few of the characteristics I have listed, the people who appear will have those characteristics, but not others which may be more important. Look at all of these characteristics and add any others you feel are important before you start searching.

Some of you may feel this is an unnecessarily mechanical process, but years of experience have shown me that making the choices up front and discussing them early is far less painful than discovering that your new friend or lover has characteristics which are unacceptable and cause an immediate break in the relationship.

Having a full set of characteristics defined makes initial conversations much easier as you can easily search for those characteristics which you have in common and quickly spot those which will be problematic for the activities which you intend to share. Remember, not all friends need to have the same characteristics. If you have a pet tarantula and your potential friend hates spiders, you can go bowling with this friend, but don’t bring them home.

Join me this Saturday, 12-28-19, on Zoom at 12 noon EDT for a free workshop on making new friends.

Use this link: